Sex Surrogacy/Healer More Than Just Sex

Sex Surrogacy Can Be Educational or a Substitute Sex Partner
 In ancient societies, hands- on sex education was done by the Shaman back when sex wasn’t the huge legal and moral issue it is today, especially in the U.S.

Sexworker Surrogacy  vs. Certified "Surrogate Partners"
Sexworker Surrogates serve people who don’t necessarily need healing or to overcome a sexual problem.  Most of the market for professional sexworkers (not street hookers) is from middle to upper income men many who are professionals, doctors, lawyers as well as a broad cross section of men, who simply enjoy sexual variety who are not about to harrass women at work but enjoy meeting honest providers who enjoy giving pleasure to men. 

There are many sexworkers that could be and want to act as surrogates and even if untrained in Psy just natural human intimacy and being understanding is what many people need.  This is why I am so upset with the laws in the U.S. that make such compassionate providers have to be "criminals" in order to serve "mankind". 

Even without deep emotional sexual issues, so many suffer from painful...loneliness for a caring sensual interaction.  Even if its paid and for the moment it still can be a meaningful human interaction in a word where even hugging in schools between students is often viewed as unacceptable behavior (as in a case in a Minnesota school).

Sexworker Surrogates often provide a surrogate Girl Friend Experience (GFE) where a real GF may not be available or where a man enjoys more than one women for sexual variety.

Certified “Surrogate Partners” are not providing pleasure to clients but teaching them to overcome emotional or other issues.  They are treating sexual dysfunction  not the variety in sexuality with different partners that many more men enjoy from sexworkers.

Technically, the term "surrogate partner," by definition, applies only to a triadic relationship involving client, surrogate, and professional therapist such as  doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, sexologists and MFCC/MSW therapists

The purpose is to help people overcome sexual problems or physical difficulties relating to sex. They are a “bridge” between theory and practice, allowing patients to learn from real-life sexual experiences. In some cases, the surrogate may have sex with the client, although this is not necessarily a standard practice. Most of Certified Sex Surrogacy is talking about issues.

 Licensed Certified Sex Surrogacy usually is for those suffering psychological problems relating to sex. These people may be survivors of abuse, or those who have difficulty enjoying sex..  Or, it can be a means of providing assistance to the disabled in fulfilling previously unrecognized sexual needs.

 Surrogacy was first recommended by Masters and Johnson in their landmark sexual research. The murky legal and ethical issues surrounding surrogacy makes it a difficult area to deal with. The AMA code of ethics forbids sexual contact between a doctor and patient, and the use of a surrogate can be considered to be “stepping over the line”.  Critics also argue that it’s merely a form of medically sanctioned prostitution and, indeed, those who use surrogates are wary of the various laws prohibiting the procurement of sexual services. 

Surrogacy differs from prostitution primarily in motivation and intent. “A prostitute has sex with clients to earn money, while a surrogate partner is a teacher and a guide.” She also points to research done by Raymond J Noonan in the early 80’s. This landmark study found that surrogates actually spent 90 per cent of their time performing non-sexual activities. “Ask any man who has just visited a prostitute how he feels; does he feel better or worse about himself?  Almost without exception the answer will be that he feels worse rather than better about himself.  Ask the same question to any man or woman who is on a course of a properly supervised therapeutic sexual training and the answer will be, almost without exception, that they feel better about themselves, about their life and their relationship or future potential to form a relationship.”

Legal issues in U.S. vs. Sexual Freedom in the rest of the world
Unlike most other states and local laws in the U.S. where any sex for money is illegal. In California, prostitution laws are written with a focus on the intention of exchanging sex for money.  Certified Sex Surrogates are only working through a 3rd party health professional and the prime emphasis is not on sex but therapy the majority of which is discussing issues not physical sex.

In other states there are few sex surrogates due to the cloudy legal issue.  Of course in most of the rest of the world there isn’t the legal issues

The Disabled in Denmark
Some cities in Denmark are offering sexual outreach programs to their disabled citizens. To this end, social workers escort disabled people to see prostitutes for 30 minute visits. The rationale behind this controversial program is that sexual help to a mentally or physically handicapped person helps to lift spirits and creates a better quality

"Reaching Intimacy" by Jerry De Haan
The topic of sex surrogacy is dear to my heart. While it is often misunderstood back in the 80s I read Dr. Dehaan's book, Reaching Intimacy about his life as a sex surrogate, which moved me and very much inspired me in my interest of more intimate sexuality not just "having sex". Later I met him (introduced him at some workshops) and even more appreciated what he did for women.  He is now retired and his book is out of print. Back in the 80s it was used as a textbook in some Calf University sex ed course. 

Jerry explores in this book the special problems of sexual intimacy that women experience. Married or single, sexually active or virgins, women were referred to Jerry because they were sexually unfulfilled and sought a positive way to have a more enriching life.  Jerry took women on a journey of self-discovery.  They learned about their bodies and the male body, some of them for the first time. They shed ingrained embarrassment and concealment of their physical selves, and came instead to find pride and comfort in their natural sensuality.  Jerry taught a woman to concentrate not on how her partner reacts to her touch, but on her own sensual reaction to what she is doing to her partner and to what her partner is doing to her. 

Jerry was also the source of much of the studies that led to the medical community accepting the presence of the "G-Spot" in women.  He did much of the "hands-on" work for Dr Whipple's classic book on the G-spot and had many interesting stories.  One was the women sex therapist that was so positive the G spot was just men's imagination and it didn't exist.  Well, for the sake of science, he proposed letting him test that theory on her.  Not only did he found her G-spot but she turned out to be a female ejaculator.

An Example of a Phoenix Sexworker Surrogate/Healer
A Review to the Phoenix Private E-mail List

xxxxx Experience Far More than "just" great sex $130/hr provider

This is a great example how sexworkers can provide so much more than just sex for clients. I am sharing this very personal account with the writers permission. This kind of human interaction and powerful emotional help is very common. Interesting this "hands on" caring interaction often is far better than any Psychologist can offer with all their degrees and clinical experience.

Dear Dave:

I want to share a story with you.

This confidential note (he has since granted me permission to make this public) is to thank you for the private list and the tremendous good it's done for me. Frankly, it was my first time with a provider - I'm in my late thirties, divorced and my long-denied biology (and psychological need, I suppose) had finally reached a point where I HAD to do something about it, regardless of my strict Catholic upbringing and serious reservations about certain issues surrounding the activity (e.g., abortion).

I saw xxxxx and found the posts to be accurate and reliable. Very sweet and authentic, matter-of-fact about the mechanics, and understanding (I happen to have a physical handicap affecting one of my legs). She also mentioned to me, great conversationalist that she is, that she had been favorably impressed with the quality of clientele stemming from Internet postings. In fact, I saw her twice in a 6-day span.

I felt it was my duty as a gentleman, so during the first visit I brought a red rose for her, some wine and a bag of rare coffee I had brought with me from a trip abroad. Mind you: I am perfectly aware I am one of many, many others, but my readings on the issue tell me that you get what you put in, and frankly, I strongly believe in treating others as human beings, regardless of their background. She seemed quite pleased, and later commented: "you're a sweety". Starved as I am for affection, I proceeded to give hugs during our time together, which she was gracious to give back. Stayed a while, she did quite some talking about her life, her occupation, eye-opening things to me.

After my first visit, I was flying high, driving down the open highway feeling the wind rush by - a tremendous taste of freedom. I felt I had become a man of the world, so to speak.

The day before departing, I offered to take her out to dinner, carefully explaining I was simply looking for conversation and some company, nothing else, and that we could, if she was willing, go back to her place "like before" (to make it worthwhile for her but not to seem pushy). She said she couldn't but to call her at 9p.m. - I thought she was just dismissing me. I decided not to call her, but shortly after 9 I couldn't resist it any longer and called her, at least to thank her for seeing me once. Astonishingly for me, she said I could stop by (even though she told me she goes to bed at 10 p.m. every day). I practically flew to her place.

Again, had a great session, she requested no kissing; fine, no problem. I offered to give her a back rub as she complained of back pain sometime during our previous chat. Here's where the touch connection comes in (as you're into touching, I think you might be able to shed some light on what happened next): after my clumsy attempts to soothe her, she said that she could tell from my touch several things about my character - I was appalled to hear a 100% accurate description of my problems, hangups, unresolved issues in my life.

I was incredulous that she could gather so much info and give me this clinical diagnosis after a couple of encounters. She was right on the money, even about things I had not told her. And vulnerable as I am at this junction in my life, I felt apart right there and then. I guess I was lying there naked in body and spirit, in front of another presence that was non-judgmental and understanding. She proceeded to counsel me and give me specific advice on joining a help organization, similar to AA (although drinking is not one of my problems), other suggestions and insights I couldn't get from my psychologist (whom I saw for several months prior to my divorce).

 I left there close to midnight, promising her (as she asked me) to write her with my progress. I'm still quite shaken by this experience, and this kind of - should I say the word? ... intimacy... how is this possible? Have you heard other stories like this before? I had gone through another crisis almost 20 years ago, and again, it was a woman who reached down to me, in a similar fashion, when nobody else would or could (and not exactly a virtuous woman, but a promiscuous housewife with a horror story of a life!).

Follow up note after I shared some ideas and asked permission to share his experience publicly:

You have my blessing to share my story. She did make me feel like a special person; I guess a higher power (God, if you wish) has many faces. That night, in Phoenix, AZ, it was xxxxx's.